Appreciating the Ride

“It sounded very…melancholy.” The man said, about what I’d written on my 22nd birthday. He was right, but I knew he wouldn’t understand if I tried to explain the depth of my hope that also resided in that blog post. He had a home. I’ve always hated every variation of the phrase, “It’s not the… Read More »

‘I’m Sorry You Lost Your Kids.’

“On prie pour sauver les apparences (To save someone from losing his appearance) Par moment oublier toutes les distances (In this moment you have to let go of all the distances) Sans répit je pense et les silences (Without a break I think, and all the silence) Dissimulent la souffrance de vos absences (The hidden… Read More »

Of Course It Wasn’t All Bad

“I want to become brave and courageous Not buried in self-pity of my own Ashamed and alone from all That’s been done to me It’s not my fault, I remind myself” -Plumb My parents weren’t exclusively abusive. I don’t think they were the worst parents ever. Before I learned about the subtleties of abuse, I’d… Read More »

How a Logical Girl Talked Herself into Fundamentalism, Part 1

“Do not look down Or the abysmal beast of non-conformity Might stare some unpleasant truth Into your desensitized mind.” -Meshuggah It was in April 2014 that I read an article on Homeschoolers Anonymous by Sarah Henderson entitled, “Oh daughters of fundamentalism, take upon yourselves the cloak of self-deception.” I read it, and for the first… Read More »

‘We Didn’t Kick You Out.’

“Easy for a good girl to go bad And once we gone Best believe we’ve gone forever Don’t be the reason Don’t be the reason You better learn how to treat us right.” -Rihanna Want to know what it’s like to be a Jeub? If you check my dad’s Facebook, you’ll see smiling faces and… Read More »

Why Mom Never Told Us

Trigger warning: physical abuse, self-harm “We are thrown away in the house you made of every stolen moment. Don’t pretend, I know how this ends, and who you are in secret.” -Blue Stahli When I read Libby Anne’s article, “Then why didn’t you tell us that, mom?” it resonated with me. My parents had been… Read More »

Why Does This Have to be Public?

A lot of people are asking me why everything I’m saying must be public. Why not just go to counseling, why not sort it out privately? We have tried. I’ll go into more detail later. In short, as my little sister explained it today: “mom and dad believe the way to solve their family problems… Read More »

The Breakthrough Moment

“How can I pretend that I don’t see What you hide so carelessly? …It’s not what it seems Not what you think No, I must be dreaming… Help, you know I’ve got to tell someone Tell them what I know you’ve done I fear you…” -Evanescence I have blogged very little about my family, even though… Read More »