Permission to be Metaphorical

Trigger warning: discussion of spiritual warfare. If you or someone you know is experiencing mental health issues or physical illness, please seek out professional care. I do not endorse treating scientifically proven problems with spiritual “solutions.” One of my favorite pieces of dialogue of all time is from Niel Gaiman’s Sandman comic books. “ ‘Do… Read More »

To the Imperfect Ones

“I thought the reason I wasn’t happy, why I didn’t fit in, was because there was something wrong with me. I wasn’t doing it right, I wasn’t trying hard enough.” I’ve heard it from so many people. They looked like rebels and misfits at the time. This one’s for you, rebels and misfits. The people… Read More »

Compassion as a Prerequisite to Questioning

I used to really hate emotion. I didn’t think it was logical to trust your feelings. What do your emotions know? They’re just a distraction or an obstacle to doing the reasonable thing. As it turns out, intuition is ridiculously helpful. Our subconscious awareness is way ahead of our conscious awareness a lot of the… Read More »

‘You Have Too Much Faith in Humanity’

In my last post, I talked about how I used to force positivity all the time. My parents and the authorities around me said that I had to look on the bright side and minimize anything negative. Today, I hear some of the same things, but I distrust them. “To get past the depression, you… Read More »

When Positivity is the Problem

The mask I’m grieving is a forced smile. This makes therapy difficult, because many of the solutions to depression include focusing on the positive. My counselors have said they’re working with a rare case – usually they work depressed people toward seeing the bright side of life, but I worked my way to depression through… Read More »

Abandoning Exclusivity

My greatest regrets aren’t in my addictions, buying into a cult, complying with the abusive manipulation I lived under, or caring more about controlling children’s behavior than about their individuality. I most regret that I once believed Christianity was the only acceptable and true religion in the world. The problem was that it made sense.… Read More »

What I Mean by ‘Anarchy’

I walked into a strange unlocked house and hoped the dog wouldn’t attack me. It didn’t – the person who’d invited me here is known for being difficult to track down. More than once, I’ve had to call his mother to find his whereabouts. Dallas and I hadn’t had a chance to talk much since… Read More »

Everything I Don’t Understand

My brother Micah and I have this joke that if we ever met the band Switchfoot, we’d get all excited about meeting Tim Foreman, the bassist and less-popular younger brother of the lead singer, Jon. The plan was that we’d scream, “TIM!” and march right past Jon. Since we come from a big family, it’s… Read More »

The Importance of Safe Conversation

For weeks, the notion tugged in the back of my mind, but there was nobody I could talk to about it. People want to know if I’m still a Christian. I don’t really know. I know I interact with the Infinite One, and my spirituality grows around that. I know I like Yeshua, Immanuel, God… Read More »

Grieving the Mask

I wait for the opportunity to get away, and I step out into the moonlight. The metal gate is covered in frost, and it stings my hands as I climb over it, firmly planting my feet so I don’t slip. I dodge snowdrifts and hay bales, and let overwhelm take me. “I want it all… Read More »