Purity Culture and My Sexuality

“I know that it’s a secret, And that I gotta keep it, But I want the lights on Yeah, I want the lights on And I don’t want to run away anymore Leave the lights on, leave the lights on, leave the lights on What would they say, what would they do? Would it be trouble… Read More »

Forgive Them, I Can’t

The words of Yeshua in his dying moments – I’ve heard them so many times, and everyone told me it was amazing that he forgave his killers. When I reconciled the dissonance between forgiveness and endurance, between my own pain and anger and the more objective and abstract question of justice, I realized that’s not… Read More »

Numbing the Gut Instinct

I was very skeptical about it at first, because science hasn’t confirmed what ancient religions have claimed for years. I was also skeptical because those religions weren’t Christianity. Humans think, feel, and sense with their stomachs. That’s it, that’s the idea. It’s already a pretty accepted part of our culture. It’s why we have the… Read More »

Permission to be Metaphorical

Trigger warning: discussion of spiritual warfare. If you or someone you know is experiencing mental health issues or physical illness, please seek out professional care. I do not endorse treating scientifically proven problems with spiritual “solutions.” One of my favorite pieces of dialogue of all time is from Niel Gaiman’s Sandman comic books. “ ‘Do… Read More »

To the Imperfect Ones

“I thought the reason I wasn’t happy, why I didn’t fit in, was because there was something wrong with me. I wasn’t doing it right, I wasn’t trying hard enough.” I’ve heard it from so many people. They looked like rebels and misfits at the time. This one’s for you, rebels and misfits. The people… Read More »

Compassion as a Prerequisite to Questioning

I used to really hate emotion. I didn’t think it was logical to trust your feelings. What do your emotions know? They’re just a distraction or an obstacle to doing the reasonable thing. As it turns out, intuition is ridiculously helpful. Our subconscious awareness is way ahead of our conscious awareness a lot of the… Read More »

‘You Have Too Much Faith in Humanity’

In my last post, I talked about how I used to force positivity all the time. My parents and the authorities around me said that I had to look on the bright side and minimize anything negative. Today, I hear some of the same things, but I distrust them. “To get past the depression, you… Read More »

When Positivity is the Problem

The mask I’m grieving is a forced smile. This makes therapy difficult, because many of the solutions to depression include focusing on the positive. My counselors have said they’re working with a rare case – usually they work depressed people toward seeing the bright side of life, but I worked my way to depression through… Read More »

Abandoning Exclusivity

My greatest regrets aren’t in my addictions, buying into a cult, complying with the abusive manipulation I lived under, or caring more about controlling children’s behavior than about their individuality. I most regret that I once believed Christianity was the only acceptable and true religion in the world. The problem was that it made sense.… Read More »

What I Mean by ‘Anarchy’

I walked into a strange unlocked house and hoped the dog wouldn’t attack me. It didn’t – the person who’d invited me here is known for being difficult to track down. More than once, I’ve had to call his mother to find his whereabouts. Dallas and I hadn’t had a chance to talk much since… Read More »