Dividing Intuition from Habit

Okay, so I’ve established that food addiction or just craving junk food can be an attempt to numb the gut instinct. Since then, I’ve talked about how my gut instinct identifies things more powerful than just pain, fear, and emotional dissonance – it knows what to do, and can combat fear. For me, it can… Read More »

Guts Over Fear

“Can’t hear the voice that whispers fears When my heart is pounding in my ears.” -Celldweller So I wrote a while back about numbing the gut instinct, and then I was listening to the Eminem and Sia song “Guts over fear.” I wondered, “If fear and emotional pain is part of the gut instinct, how… Read More »

The Dark (in)Side

A friend who loves eastern philosophy once sat me down and explained that in Taoist tradition, there isn’t really a notion of good and evil. They believe in finding a balance between light and darkness. So hell isn’t darkness, or comparable to the dark side of the force. Hell is imbalance, the chaos that makes… Read More »

Little Soldiers’ Little Shoulders

One of the most important articles I read this year was “When Shame Feels Mothering: The Tragedy of Parentified Daughters.” In it, the author explains how role-switching works with girls who have needy mothers. If a mother needs an emotional outlet, she turns to her daughter for support. The daughter, because she hasn’t learned any… Read More »

The Trap of Confidence and Circumstance

The day I learned to listen to my emotions, and to channel them like creativity instead of being immobilized with indecipherable pain, I discovered why I didn’t trust myself. I never had arguments. I couldn’t assert myself or say what I meant. It sucked, because I would prepare what I was going to say just… Read More »

It Feels Like Creativity

One way to describe depression is that there’s a disconnect between the cognition and the emotions. I can tell myself not to feel so down, that I have no reason to be unmotivated and groggy, that there are things to do that I would enjoy doing, but it’s like signals sent into a void. Apathy… Read More »

Rob and Murder Your Heroes

“‘Who taught you that so much power has no right or reason to exist in the universe?’ ‘It’s my own idea.’ ‘But that sentence is an exact quotation.’ ‘Yes. From Demosthenes. But if I believe an idea, it becomes my own. You taught me that.’” -Orson Scott Card, Xenocide I have a lot of obsessions.… Read More »

Affirming Subjectivity

“Religion [is] what the individual does with his own solitariness…it is not a mere social phenomenon. It is not an apologetic for the existing social order, nor is it a mere instrument for social salvation. It is an attempt to discover the ideal possibilities of human life, a quest for emancipation from the immediate compulsions… Read More »

How Christianity Became Just Another Religion to Me

Well, in case you missed it…I’m not a Christian anymore. My religion officially died sometime in February this year, when, during a conversation with the Infinite One, I realized I didn’t need anyone’s permission to stop struggling with the theologies I’d been trying to reconcile and defend for years. When I was a teenager, I… Read More »