Red Streak SquareNo one gets to their heaven without a fight. Neil Peart said that, and this quotation is representative of my counterintuitive music tastes and obscure sources of life advice.

I write because I can’t stop. I hope to do more than express mere opinions and controversies. My aim is to encourage and free people. The only people who ever changed the world were normal, human, and flawed. Apparently my refusal to shy away from tough topics looks like a mere cry for attention. You’ll have to believe me when I say I’m still searching, and I’m scared every time I take on another bold topic. I speak up because it’s worthwhile and it’s a challenge, though I’m inclined to remain silent.

My focus is on self-improvement, and I’m well aware of the paradox that to improve, I must not take myself too seriously. Laughter is beautiful, and I’m learning to hold all things – my beliefs, my ambitions, my emotions, and my relationships – with open hands. Most substances only remain malleable and enjoyable when held with open hands.

I have fifteen brothers and sisters, but that’s normal for me. I got my first book published when I was fifteen. I have too many ambitions and plans to carry out in a single lifetime. 

Heaven is love, positive, creative; hell is the chaotic Nothing that twists and lies and cannot create, and both are more like opposing forces than some vague afterlife for which we’re all pointlessly waiting. We choose which side to fight for every day. Yeshua is a humanist. The world is full of defied expectations and slow progress because the Infinite One is patient, and uses the least likely agents, and does not coerce or force followers.

I enjoy cooking and baking, reading good books, and being creative. There’s nothing quite like singing alone while wading in a creek or sharing laughter around a campfire with former strangers in the wilderness. I have ridiculously sophisticated plans for developing skillsets, and I distrust authoritarian mindsets. When I say I enjoy all kinds of music, I mean it. I marvel at the complexities of music every day. Music is more transcendental and sacred than doctrine or philosophy.

Even if you don’t know me well, don’t hesitate to start a conversation – my email is cynthiajeub@gmail.com and I love making friends on the internet and in real life. Share your ideas, your struggles, or your story with me, and I’ll listen. My endless curiosity feeds on perspective and mental challenges and I thrive on people because I’m an extrovert. I don’t mind if we disagree, as long as you’re questioning and thinking critically. I’m not sure that I’m right, but I hope to communicate on a crucial level, and I am always willing to be proven wrong.

Love is simple enough to dictate every action, and complex enough to satisfy every long conversation. It’s a little way to understand infinity, but understanding is not always comprehension. That’s what makes love so intriguing and refreshing.

  • Peggy Trivilino

    Whatever you do, Cynthia, do not ever stay silent. Silence affords evil undeserved refuge.

  • Lisa

    Well done on this venture. I hope you somehow reach those poor Duggar kids.

  • rasinwhiting

    Cynthia, Have you considered or attempted ever to report your parents to authorities as abusive? I know you write about the abuse publicly, but have you ever contacted the child abuse hotline or agency? I would have emailed this question privately, but could not see an address to use.

  • Timber St. James

    I’m a big dummy and I can’t tell how to correctly pronounce your last name. Is it “goob” with a hard G-sound (like “giant”)? Or is it “jay-oob?”

  • Elisabeth

    Your last paragraph here (especially the first two lines) is brilliant. The rest is (to loosely quote you) refreshingly expectation-defying. Wish I had time to read more of your writing!

  • Eli Odell Jackson


    This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.

    For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

    Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,

    Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

    Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

    For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,

    Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
    2nd Timothy 3:1-7

    For many deceivers are entered into the world, who confess not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh. This is a deceiver and an antichrist. 2nd John 1:7

    • Plain English

      Well, Eli, you can quote scriptures….. but you cannot peel the onion of yourself by quoting the words of others… you can warn about deceivers while being one, of course and you can stand very high on a podium and still be low. Why don’t you speak your truth or is that already done, saying you don’t believe in yourself enough to trust yourself to learn anything….
      And the the particular quote here where you speak of ‘silly women’ is very disrespectful to the writer of this blog. You either don’t see that or don’t care because you have your orders from Gawd Woo-woo…

  • CC C

    Hey Cynthia. I’d like to help with the Underground Railroad. I can, finally. If you can email me, we can talk.

  • Serenity Collier

    Hey Cynthia, I’d really like to help with the Underground Railroad thing. Shoot me an email through facebook if you want to talk.

  • Becky

    Possibly someone has shared this with you before, but when you try to describe what its like to live in an abusive environment and not recognize that fact, it reminds me of something Stephen King (yes that S.K.) once wrote about living in an abusive situation. “People outside such relationships will sometimes ask, “How could you let such a business go on for so many years? Didn’t you see the elephant in the living room?” And it’s so hard for anyone living in a more normal situation to understand the answer that comes closest to the truth; “I’m sorry, but it was there when I moved in. I didn’t know it was an elephant; I thought it was part of the furniture.” There comes an aha-moment for some folks – the lucky ones – when they suddenly recognize the difference.”

  • morri85

    Looks like your dad puts your younger sibs into school now, how do you rate that?