Red Streak SquareNo one gets to their heaven without a fight. Neil Peart said that, and this quotation is representative of my counterintuitive music tastes and obscure sources of life advice.

I write because I can’t stop. I hope to do more than express mere opinions and controversies. My aim is to encourage and free people. The only people who ever changed the world were normal, human, and flawed. Apparently my refusal to shy away from tough topics looks like a mere cry for attention. You’ll have to believe me when I say I’m still searching, and I’m scared every time I take on another bold topic. I speak up because it’s worthwhile and it’s a challenge, though I’m inclined to remain silent.

My focus is on self-improvement, and I’m well aware of the paradox that to improve, I must not take myself too seriously. Laughter is beautiful, and I’m learning to hold all things – my beliefs, my ambitions, my emotions, and my relationships – with open hands. Most substances only remain malleable and enjoyable when held with open hands.

I have fifteen brothers and sisters, but that’s normal for me. I got my first book published when I was fifteen. I have too many ambitions and plans to carry out in a single lifetime. 

Heaven is love, positive, creative; hell is the chaotic Nothing that twists and lies and cannot create, and both are more like opposing forces than some vague afterlife for which we’re all pointlessly waiting. We choose which side to fight for every day. Yeshua is a humanist. The world is full of defied expectations and slow progress because the Infinite One is patient, and uses the least likely agents, and does not coerce or force followers.

I enjoy cooking and baking, reading good books, and being creative. There’s nothing quite like singing alone while wading in a creek or sharing laughter around a campfire with former strangers in the wilderness. I have ridiculously sophisticated plans for developing skillsets, and I distrust authoritarian mindsets. When I say I enjoy all kinds of music, I mean it. I marvel at the complexities of music every day. Music is more transcendental and sacred than doctrine or philosophy.

Even if you don’t know me well, don’t hesitate to start a conversation – my email is cynthiajeub@gmail.com and I love making friends on the internet and in real life. Share your ideas, your struggles, or your story with me, and I’ll listen. My endless curiosity feeds on perspective and mental challenges and I thrive on people because I’m an extrovert. I don’t mind if we disagree, as long as you’re questioning and thinking critically. I’m not sure that I’m right, but I hope to communicate on a crucial level, and I am always willing to be proven wrong.

Love is simple enough to dictate every action, and complex enough to satisfy every long conversation. It’s a little way to understand infinity, but understanding is not always comprehension. That’s what makes love so intriguing and refreshing.

  • Peggy Trivilino

    Whatever you do, Cynthia, do not ever stay silent. Silence affords evil undeserved refuge.

  • Lisa

    Well done on this venture. I hope you somehow reach those poor Duggar kids.

  • rasinwhiting

    Cynthia, Have you considered or attempted ever to report your parents to authorities as abusive? I know you write about the abuse publicly, but have you ever contacted the child abuse hotline or agency? I would have emailed this question privately, but could not see an address to use.

  • Timber St. James

    I’m a big dummy and I can’t tell how to correctly pronounce your last name. Is it “goob” with a hard G-sound (like “giant”)? Or is it “jay-oob?”

  • Elisabeth

    Your last paragraph here (especially the first two lines) is brilliant. The rest is (to loosely quote you) refreshingly expectation-defying. Wish I had time to read more of your writing!