This is a repost from the archives. My updated thoughts on the subject as of 2018 can be found here. When I was a teenager living in my parents’ house, I held myself to the highest possible standards, and consistently fell short. I didn’t like the music I was supposed to like. I was constantly […]
Category: Growing Up Jeub
Painting One-Dimensional Abusers
“I’m sorry, momma! I never meant to hurt you! I never meant to make you cry; But tonight, I’m cleaning out my closet.” -Eminem Last summer, I had a dream about my mother. In the dream, I was in my first consensual, trusting sexual relationship. My mom walked in on us and started screaming. “How […]
Children are people…and people are children
This is a re-upload from the lost archives. “That was childish.” My friend said. “Not very smart, perhaps,” I replied. “But childish? To call something childish – implying inexperience, stupidity, or lack of self-control – is an insult to children. It wasn’t all that uncommon, a mere century ago, to say ‘womanish’ in the same […]
To the Imperfect Ones
“I thought the reason I wasn’t happy, why I didn’t fit in, was because there was something wrong with me. I wasn’t doing it right, I wasn’t trying hard enough.” I’ve heard it from so many people. They looked like rebels and misfits at the time. This one’s for you, rebels and misfits. The people […]
Grieving the Mask
This post was originally uploaded on March 3, 2015. It is part of the restored archives. I wait for the opportunity to get away, and I step out into the moonlight. The metal gate is covered in frost, and it stings my hands as I climb over it, firmly planting my feet so I don’t […]
Drinking from the Final Straw
Trigger warnings: alcohol abuse, child abuse, graphic descriptions “We were addicted to the blueprint But we threw it in the flames and now we’re never gonna trace it You, you lied Ha ha ha ha I was right all along Good job, good job You fucked it up… Now you’re walking on your own Rain falls […]
Alecia Pennington, Identity Abuse, and Me
When I first saw Alecia Pennington’s video about how she can’t prove her American citizenship, nothing about it took me by surprise. I have friends who, like her, don’t exist according to the government. They have no birth certificates, no social security number, no passport. If their parents also distrusted modern medicine, like mine, there […]
Being a Perfect Victim
This is a repost from the archives. For an update, see my post “The Pity Accusation.” Yesterday, my brother Micah posted on my Facebook timeline. He didn’t address me directly – he was telling people not to believe the stories I was “making up” about my family. It took me by surprise a bit, but […]
‘Stop Saying We’re Keeping Your Siblings from You.’
This is a repost, as I am in the process of restoring my lost archives. It was originally published January 7, 2015. Last week, my dad sent me an email. Like every email and message he sends, it contained a demand: he wants me to stop saying that my parents are keeping my siblings from […]
Identifying Manipulative Abuse Tactics
Trigger warning: homophobia, manipulation, abuse Manipulative abusers can be anyone, especially trusted people. This is a longer post than usual because I want to provide a comprehensive source for what a conversation with an abuser looks like. I have multiple examples of conversations like this one, but this argument is ideal because it took place […]