“On prie pour sauver les apparences (To save someone from losing his appearance) Par moment oublier toutes les distances (In this moment you have to let go of all the distances) Sans répit je pense et les silences (Without a break I think, and all the silence) Dissimulent la souffrance de vos absences (The hidden […]
Month: October 2014
Of Course It Wasn’t All Bad
“I want to become brave and courageous Not buried in self-pity of my own Ashamed and alone from all That’s been done to me It’s not my fault, I remind myself” -Plumb My parents weren’t exclusively abusive. I don’t think they were the worst parents ever. Before I learned about the subtleties of abuse, I’d […]
How a Logical Girl Talked Herself into Fundamentalism, Part 3
This is the third and final part of a series. Click here to read from the beginning, or here to go to part 2. Trigger warning: child abuse “Icy roads beneath my feet, Lead me through wastelands of deceit, Rest your head now, don’t you cry, Don’t ever ask the reason why.” –Opeth When Tangled […]
How a Logical Girl Talked Herself into Fundamentalism, Part 2
Trigger warnings: child abuse “I could fight this, but I may die. And all I want is [to] be the apple in your eye Well I could stay here, strap on my face Listen to the words that put me in my place.” –Pendulum I was a curious child. I wanted to know how everything […]
How a Logical Girl Talked Herself into Fundamentalism, Part 1
“Do not look down Or the abysmal beast of non-conformity Might stare some unpleasant truth Into your desensitized mind.” -Meshuggah It was in April 2014 that I read an article on Homeschoolers Anonymous by Sarah Henderson entitled, “Oh daughters of fundamentalism, take upon yourselves the cloak of self-deception.” I read it, and for the first […]
‘We Didn’t Kick You Out.’
“Easy for a good girl to go bad And once we gone Best believe we’ve gone forever Don’t be the reason Don’t be the reason You better learn how to treat us right.” -Rihanna Want to know what it’s like to be a Jeub? If you check my dad’s Facebook, you’ll see smiling faces and […]
Why Mom Never Told Us
Trigger warning: physical abuse, self-harm “We are thrown away in the house you made of every stolen moment. Don’t pretend, I know how this ends, and who you are in secret.” -Blue Stahli When I read Libby Anne’s article, “Then why didn’t you tell us that, mom?” it resonated with me. My parents had been doing […]
Why Does This Have to be Public?
A lot of people are asking me why everything I’m saying must be public. Why not just go to counseling, why not sort it out privately? We have tried. I’ll go into more detail later. In short, as my little sister explained it today: “mom and dad believe the way to solve their family problems […]
The Breakthrough Moment
“How can I pretend that I don’t see What you hide so carelessly? …It’s not what it seems Not what you think No, I must be dreaming… Help, you know I’ve got to tell someone Tell them what I know you’ve done I fear you…” –Evanescence I have blogged very little about my family, even though […]
Melting Memory Masks
I wrote this post precisely one year after my parents kicked me out of my house. My dad had just called me at work to say that I couldn’t see my siblings anymore, or visit their house. I had nothing left to lose. Unfortunately, when my blog was lost, I was unable to transfer the […]