“Don’t use your memoir to air old grievances and to settle old scores; get rid of that anger somewhere else. The memoirs that we do remember from the 1990s are the ones that were written with love and forgiveness…although the childhoods they describe were painful, the writers are as hard on their younger selves as […]
Category: Growing Up Jeub
Cultivating Intelligent Disobedience
“Loyal dogs, unfailing tool They do what they have been trained to With the eidolons, the minds are full The evil ghosts of old The evil ghosts of old Insanity turns back at last As soon as their food is done And dog will raven dog The claws crush bones, the claws crush bones Claws […]
Swivel
I want to unite once again with poetry But I no longer cope Concocting false hope Projecting upon a limitless background The audacious human tendency To call his own perception, true reality When we exist as a near-infinite improbability I knew this, at once, when I was born. I knew I had been here […]
Depression Meals and Food Recovery
Content warning: eating disorders, food trauma, depression The subject of nutritional abuse is one that I’ve found difficult to talk about for a long time. I keep thinking that it’s because I’m no nutritionist, and I’m not really qualified, but this fear masks avoidance. The thing is, I don’t always know when I’m hungry, because […]
Podcast Transcript: The Deleted Confession
Updated 5/6/2019: Below is a commentary I wrote in August 2018 about the events leading up to my family’s first response to my blog posts in 2014, a podcast. My parents claim that they never gave any kind of response until March of 2019. The podcast was re-uploaded to YouTube, which my dad had taken […]
Cheaper by the Proxy: Why the Majority of Abuse Victims Don’t Escape
“A dancing puppet doll made of wood I bet he’d run away one day if he could choose to leave or stay He’s got a string attached to every bone She’s got him round her little finger so she’ll never feel alone…” –Aurora, Puppet I was originally going to write today about nutritional abuse and […]
New Book Title: Music in the Dream House
I’m known for having fifteen brothers and sisters, narcissistic parents, an upbringing in a house of chaos, and an education rooted in fundamentalist religion. No, I’m not the only one. No, I’m not from the Duggar family on TV, but I have been on The Learning Channel and a few other spotlights. One by one, […]
Recovering from Devotion
أَنِ اغْدُوا عَلَىٰ حَرْثِكُمْ إِن كُنتُمْ صَارِمِينَ “Go early and rush to your orchards and crops if you wish to gather all their harvest and plentiful fruits.” -al-Qalam 68:22 “She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it […]
The Archive Restoration Project
As many of you know, my blog was lost in late 2016. I had written over 500 posts since 2012, sometimes every day. I was homeless, and it was time to renew my web host. I was able to keep my domain name – thank the old gods and the new, I can only imagine […]
When Parents Idealize Themselves
This is a repost from my restored archives. It was re-uploaded June 16, 2018. “I don’t think they mean to be abusive, though.” I hear those words at least once a week. People come to me with their stories, and I point out patterns of abuse, and they rush to the defense of the loved […]