I want to unite once again with poetry
But I no longer cope
Concocting false hope
Projecting upon a limitless background
The audacious human tendency
To call his own perception, true reality
When we exist as a near-infinite improbability
I knew this, at once, when I was born.
I knew I had been here before
I was old, bent and worn,
Then I was new and young again
I knew this life would not be easy
But between two parents, I was made to swivel
For days, the word has echoed in my head
Swivel to the right,
Hip out, carry the toddler
Even if you’re too small to have hips
Swivel to the left,
Balance a laundry basket
No kissing boys was allowed,
But hungry babies could suck your lips
The swivel point wakes me up in the morning
Stretch
Swivel
Right arm up
Crack in the elbow
Right hand on head
Crack in the neck
The muscles lock around my lower back
Now an adult
Aged too quickly
Everyone else at my specialist’s office
Is three times my age
They look at me, “young girl, are you lost?
What has life done to you
That you wake each morning
Wincing like an old woman
Weeping like a widow
Whose children were torn from her arms?”
I say, please believe me when I say
I can’t work anymore, I’ve tried
I will die if I go back to trying to stand and work
I’ve paid my dues –
Twenty years of unpaid labor
That robbed me of education
Opportunity
Privilege
And now I wonder that I took those things for granted
Blind to my own family’s wealth
But they said we were poor
That
Swivel, move those hips,
They should be ready for childbearing
But hide them, sweetie,
Imagine if a pervert looked at you in that
Let me look at you with the eyes of ownership
Your features must be plain
And your education stunted
Now go catch a man
With only the knowledge
Of how to manage in a house of too many children
Now go change your clothes
Your existence deserves humiliation
You are evil without God
And God looks like me
So I swiveled. Counter to counter,
Chopping and boiling and mixing
Plant my feet and swivel around
Well, now there’s a protrusion in my back
And they don’t seem to care
That if all you’ve got to sleep on is a bare floor
It’s only worsening the damage
Bring a basket to the laundry room
I unload the dryer
Swiveling on the axis in my young lower back
And I lift wet laundry from the washer to the dryer
Again, again, again,
Swivel, swivel, swivel
All day
Eight loads a day
Swivel from wash to rinse
(why is she so tired? She must be sick)
Swivel to hold a baby
(where is the baby?)
Swivel the faucet
(shh-ssh-shh)
Fill the sink
(be careful not to throw)
Bathe the baby
(out with the bathwater)
Diaper and dress and lay down
(we aren’t animals)
Down for a nap
(hush, baby, mommy says the medicine is safe)
Then back to dishes
(desirable women have calloused hands)
Hot water
Cold water
Wake up
Be perfect
Have no complaints
Even in your mind
Swivel on the axis
Of your tiny little body
Spin around until you faint
Swing from one extreme to the next
Guessing desperately
For what will please God
How to feel like
They meant it
When they said
They loved you