Some say the end is near Some say we’ll see Armageddon soon I certainly hope we will I sure could use a vacation from this Bullshit three-ring circus sideshow I was raised to believe in the end of the world. I read the Left Behind books with eagerness, and spent countless hours fantasizing about what […]
Author: cynthiajeub
Identity Beyond Memoir
It’s already June, and I feel like I’m still recovering from March. Countless more important things are going on than my personal family drama, so instead of writing about it, I want to write about what it’s been like to go beyond it and establish a personal identity. It has not been easy, and I’ve […]
(s)Mother
Wrote this poem a few days ago. It’s very raw, but I was encouraged to share it with the world. The emotions I’m feeling aren’t ones that I know any song for Compassion for my abuser Understanding for the one who hurt me Simultaneous anger and release from pain passed on You used your pain […]
Slow Progress
When you report symptoms of depression and anxiety, the doctors give you a chart to fill out. Rating on a scale of frequency, it asks questions like how often you feel like you’d be better off dead, or take little interest in doing things. Though I caved to trying psychiatric medications years ago, they still […]
Art Worth Making
“Don’t use your memoir to air old grievances and to settle old scores; get rid of that anger somewhere else. The memoirs that we do remember from the 1990s are the ones that were written with love and forgiveness…although the childhoods they describe were painful, the writers are as hard on their younger selves as […]
The Fallacy of my Former Faith
This video took a long time to put together, but I’m really proud of how it turned out. Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!
Living with Existential Depression
People have been asking how I’m doing, and I answer that it’s all the same as it was months ago. I’m still fighting the monster of depression, I’m still trying to find meds that work for me, I’m still struggling to find my way back to my art. There’s not much to report when it […]
YouTube?
It’s been four years since I’ve updated my YouTube channel, and I’m curious to know who would be interested if I returned. I have a few ideas for videos, like talking about why I left religion, what it’s like to deal with depression and anxiety, etc. If I were to make videos again, what questions […]
Prioritizing Recovery
It’s been over seven weeks since I last blogged, and every day I feel guilty for it. While I know that the perfect is the enemy of the good, I often visualize and imagine how excellent my writing would be, if only I could get my mind to clear. But my mind has not been […]
Winter Freeze
“When people are compulsively and constantly pulled back into the past, to the last time they felt intense involvement and deep emotions, they suffer from a failure of the imagination, a loss of the mental flexibility. Without imagination there is no hope, no chance to envision a better future, no place to go, no goal […]