Me, irl

I wake up and walk to a quiet oasis, sit down, load a bowl, and light a cigarette. This is my morning routine, it is the only medicine that calms my anxiety enough to work, and calms my stomach enough to eat. I’ll be putting in a few hours of work from my laptop after […]

Here in this Moment

This is part of my restored archives. http://www.jeubfamily.com/2009/03/13/above-fulfillment https://web.archive.org/web/20150529063223/http://www.jeubfamily.com:80/2009/03/13/above-fulfillment When I started blogging, I wrote about being haunted by the words in a song (I still do that all the time). The song is called “More to Life” by Stacie Orrico. It goes like this: Here in this moment I’m halfway out the door On […]

Compassion as a Prerequisite to Questioning

I used to really hate emotion. I didn’t think it was logical to trust your feelings. What do your emotions know? They’re just a distraction or an obstacle to doing the reasonable thing. As it turns out, intuition is ridiculously helpful. Our subconscious awareness is way ahead of our conscious awareness a lot of the […]

When Positivity is the Problem

The mask I’m grieving is a forced smile. This makes therapy difficult, because many of the solutions to depression include focusing on the positive. My counselors have said they’re working with a rare case – usually they work depressed people toward seeing the bright side of life, but I worked my way to depression through positivity. I […]